P/s: I didn’t want to write this but somehow I found myself writing this while waiting for my flight out of Manila. Feelings and emotions are two crazy things that can get out of hands, especially when you travel. This is is my account of “falling in love”, yeah dude, it’s “rare” but Rayyan Haries do tend to fall in love…with many people. I suck at this. Read on….
- Diary 13032015 – Manila Airport:
Firstly, I want to acknowledge the fact that from the end of January to middle of February, I felt unhappy, hurt and I wanted to change that. I am a happy person (this is a result from being through a rough 22 years of my life) and want nothing but to be happy, forever and ever.
But I realized as a human being, I cannot run from feeling rundown, from feeling hurt or simply giving up. No matter how strong you think you are or how strong youthink you can be, there will be moments in your life that will drags you down.
BUT always know that, every storm clouds will pass, so are your problems or hurtful feelings.I’m in the process of healing and I have to be honest that it has not been an easy journey, partially because am healing the bigger picture of myself. True, I was hurt because of a person (or two) and the incidents that follows but in the bigger picture, I discover a bigger problem that lies within myself.
In January, I met someone (so I thought I met someone) . Things get on way too quickly; without me realizing, we were cooking breakfast for each other every morning, sharing food box, doing laundry together, shopping and watching drama together. We did a lot of things together. Every morning I was eager to catch this person by the sink so that we can brush teeth together, seeing that beautiful smile and asking if this person had a good sleep before going up to the kitchen together to make breakfast. I was so eager trying to make different kind of eggs every morning, and look forward to the tea and oatmeal. The moments I had, meant something to me or maybe I was dumb to think that way but hey I am a human being and as much as crazy independent I am, it’s nice to have someone to share moments and time together closely.
Little that I know, I started to fall for liking for this person. Gheez, I wish I didn’t feel that way and didn’t get too close and comfortable. I like this person and for the first time in my life I honestly thought “Wow, someone actually liking me for who I am” or so I thought. My judgment is always wrong most of the time. …. The close “friendship” quickly went to a downfall. We turned from two close human beings to two distance being, like the wrong pole of magnets. I spent the rest of the week trying to mend it but it went from bad to awry. It didn’t help that we worked and lived in the same compound and have to see each other every single day.
I tried my utmost best to make things less awkward then it already is. Nothing changed. We were still two bitter friends who couldn’t accept the fact that things happened and ruined our friendship. I took the blow pretty hard because I cared a lot about things. I wish I didn’t but that’s not who I am.
If one thing I wished that I could change is that, we both have a talk. A proper, no-name-calling, no awkwardness talk – just like how we talked the very first day we both met in Patio Victoria. I wish you had pulled me aside before I leave the other day and say “lets put this behind us and forget about it. Friends again?” Instead throughout out this episode, I apologized twice. If I was (am) really your friend, you would have come and talk to me, no? You know what, I am a lot better now. I’m glad it happened because I learned a lot about myself, and caring for others.
I am a better person because of that. Have a happy life. You have a wonderful dog and that’s the only way that I want to remember you and nothing else my friend. 🙂